Pop Culture's Evil Minions

'70's Rock drumming minions from "Gonks Go Beat" .: Types of Minions ..: Drones Drones are the lowest form of minions. They are nameless, faceless, easily replaceable and have little or no personality. Effective only in groups, Drones are usually pretty useless individually. Strengths: great numbers, cheap, highly loyal, no need to stroke their egos. Weaknesses: weak by themselves, stupid without guidance. Examples: Stormtroopers, Borg, Aliens, Barbarian horde, Orcs. ..: Henchmen Henchmen are a rung higher than Drones. While still cheap and replaceable, you might actually know their names. Also, unlike Drones there is room for advancement if a Henchman distinguishes him or herself in the name of Evil. Strengths: some independent thought, numbers. Weaknesses: usually cowardly and more likely to betray, still pretty useless by themselves, stupid. Examples: Monarch’s Henchmen, most Batman and Spider-Man villian henchmen, Jabba's Pig Guards, Urukai. ..: Muscle/Thug The next step up from Henchmen are Thugs, otherwise known as Muscle. These are people specifically recruited to beat up or kidnap the enemies of their Evil Overlord. They are usually sent after the first two or three failed attempts to kill the Hero by the Drones and/or Henchmen. Thugs that distinguish themselves can be promoted to Bodyguard who stays by the Overlord's side at all times. This gives him a greater chance to betray the Overlord at the key moment, a special position of status among Minions. Strengths: physical strength, greater loyalty, single mindedness. Weaknesses: stupidity (sensing a pattern?). Examples: Bodyguard from bee character on Venture Bros., Nazgul, Agents from Matrix. ..: Love Interest/Family Member This is an individual emotionally close to the Evil Overlord, either a wife, girlfriend, child, parent, etc. This minion might not always help the Evil Overlord, but he keeps them around to show his other minions that hey, he has a soft side underneath the gruff and violence. Unfortunately, loved ones are the ones most likely to betray. They are usually secretly good and will most likely help the Hero at the first available opportunity, forcing the Overlord to murder them. It is always the ones closest to us that hurt the most. Strengths: none really, emotional attachments just distract from the goal of world domination. Weaknesses: almost guaranteed betrayal. Examples: Dr Girlfriend, mother from Dragonheart, daughter from Willow, daughter from Flash Gordon, Saint family from Punisher. ..: Merc Mercenaries are hired guns that work for money. They are among the highest echelons of minions as they are sought for their specific skills. Mercenaries are tough, ruthless and effective. Unfortunately they are hard to find as they usually get killed after being puffed up about how awesome they are to show how much of a badass the Hero is. Strengths: loyalty as long as the check clears. Weaknesses: sometimes can be bribed, don't share the same vision as the Overlord they work for, sometimes even the odds against the Hero to test their skill. Examples: Boba Fett, Russian from Punisher ..: Assassin Technically a merc; assassins have one task: to kill for money. They are brought in by the Evil Overlord after several failed attempts by his own minions, so he looks for outside help. The problem is the assassin will usually fail to kill the Hero, but will kill someone close to the Hero to make him even more determined to kill the Overlord. Strengths: determined, highly skilled. Weaknesses: kill the wrong target, tend to develop a conscience at the wrong moment. Examples: ..: Mad Scientist Assistant Developing doomsday weapons, world ending viruses and clone armies is hard work. So every good Mad Scientist needs his assistant. Assistants are usually pretty whipped and weak-willed. Oddly, they also know very little about science and need everything explained to them. You would think Mad Scientists would be able to recruit interns from MIT. Strengths: absolute loyalty. Weaknesses: no use in a laboratory. Examples: Gentlemen from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Igor. ..: Servant A Servant is a non-combat minion that attends to the day to day needs of their Overlord. Evil Overlord garb are not machine washable and need immaculate care, you know. Due to their proximaty to the Evil Overlord, Servants are in a good position for betrayel, but are too whipped to exploit it. Servants almost always survive the destruction of their Evil Overlord so they may become the whipped Servants of the Hero. Strengths: knows how to get the Overlords steak just right. Weaknesses: usually is ignored while trying to provide the key information or advice that would allow the Overlord to win. Examples: Desaud (Darkseid), Manservant (Baron Underbite), Kiff (Zapp Branagan). ..: Lackey A Lackey provides absolutely no benefit to the Evil Overlord other than as an ego boost. His sole purpose seems to be to taunt the Hero and say over and over how badass the Overlord is. When confronted directly the Lackey of of course a complete coward. Strengths: makes the Overlord seem cool. Weaknesses: really really annoying. Examples: Salacious Crumb, dog that hung out with Spike. ..: Web designer ...because Evil Overlords need websites too. ..: Board of Directors The Board of Directors is a special kind of minion that specifically work for either corporate or military Evil Overlords. The Board of Directors is usually a shadowy group that provide information and resources to the Overlord. They are also one of the safest Minions as they keep themselves removed from the action. Strengths: can provide information, resources and personnel to the Overlord as well as the veneer of respectability. Weaknesses: might be manipulating the Overlord for their own Evil purposes. Examples: Star Chamber, Moogy Board of Directors. ..: Trusted Lieutenant The epitome of the Evil Minion is the Trusted Leiutenant. The LT is both a highly vaunted and despised position. It is also one of the most dangerous for a minion. Because any Evil Organization can only have one Trusted LT, he must be wary of betrayel not only from the Overlord, but from other minions vying for his position. Basically, being promoted to the position of Trusted LT is a guaranteed death sentence. Enjoy. Strengths: most access to the Evil Overlord and his plans. Highest pay and perks of the position. Weaknesses: sometimes succumb to morality and helps the hero. Will most likely die horribly. Examples: Bob from Batman, Number Two from Austin Powers, succession of Admirals from Empire Strikes Back, Darth Vader. via the Evil Minion's website!